A few years ago, my housemates were developing a tabletop game set in space and wanted us to play test it. The mechanics were not fully established yet and we weren’t sure what we were doing, but we had fun. My character was a 4 foot tall robot that had three skills: acrobatics, hacking, and charisma. It was the most charismatic character in the party. At one point, my friend’s character went to ask it a question, only for the whole group to realize with dismay that the android was the least intelligent character in the whole damn party.
Mary Sue
To be fair, absolutely all of the characters were Mary Sues in that campaign. Jake’s character was so ludicrously strong and imposing that he managed to intimidate half the quadrant of the galaxy into becoming socialists just by flexing on live TV after we were all thrown into an alien gladiatorial pit.
None of us had any worldly knowledge at all, so the DM had to introduce EB, or ‘Exposition Bot’, just so we could have any idea what was going on in that world. It was so much fun.
Peter from Miles’ universe: Oh wow okay I understand if you have reservations but please stick around and let me train you I swear I’ll be the best mentor ever we’ll be a great team I’ll ease you in or hey we can just hang out listen do you–what’s your favorite ice cream I’ll get you ice cream– I’ve never met anyone like me before do you want to meet my wife– Peter Miles actually gets: *trying to hold Miles off with a broom and an air horn like he’s a five-foot-tall raccoon infestation* Is there some sort of chant that will get rid of you. Bippity boppity fuck off
did i ever tell u guys that in fifth grade my class wrote a play bc we were studying ancient greece? it was called persephone and the (not so hot) heroes. i played demeter. basically, persephone got kidnapped by kronos and i strong armed hades into giving me 3 heroes from the underworld to get her back but they were actually terrible and i forget how she was actually saved but bottom line is that you wish you were my fifth grade class
this wasn’t little either, we used the town hall and we wore togas and shit
me as demeter
some lines (this was a joint effort of a bunch of greek-savvy 10/11 year olds):
athena: ‘im the goddess of wisdom but you don’t notice me telling everyone. i’m too smart for that’
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aphrodite: is zeus chasing some mortal woman again?
athena: no this time he and hera have gone for marriage counselling
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athena: we can ask hades to let them out of the underworld to help
aphrodite: he’ll never agree, he’s such a deadly bore (we made a fucking pun im so angry)
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demeter: hades wont pick up. he’s too busy torturing the dead in tartarus
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hades: i can’t undo the laws of death. just think of the paperwork.
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aphrodite: the humidity is messing up my hair. it’s getting all frizzy
athena: is that all you care about?
aphrodite: no, it’s also messing up my dress
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demeter: it’s so dark, and there aren’t any trees or flowers
hades: what do we need trees for, everybody’s dead
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paris: yeah, and i can shoot straight! isn’t that right, achilles?
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(hades enters)
paris: who are you? do we know you?
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achilles: im mighty achilles
odysseus: im wily odysseus
paris: and im hungry paris
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kronos: i really am awesome, aren’t i
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aeton: one wrong move and you’re history
odysseus: fool! we already are history!
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demeter: where are those mortals? i left them right there.
athena: are you sure? this isnt the first time you’ve lost someone.
I suddenly have the need for the entire screenplay, and to direct it at my college.
